I sat down the other night after taking time to pull away from
conversations and everyday life and took the time to think about what we
have been through, where we have been and where we are now. Where we
are now is so incredibly different than where we were in life just a
couple years ago. After all this time, I have found a way to be content
with the past and our experiences/obstacles because each significant and
insignificant moment in our lives have made each of us who we are
today. They have molded us into the lives we live and left us with the
will to survive and fight harder for things we desire in life. Things
will never be the same, not as they once were. But, that is okay because
things always happen for a reason. With all that I have been through
from the army life, Kev's time active duty and now as a wounded veteran,
kids, and my own serious health issues/surgeries, this is our life and I
am so proud of where we are and who we are.
When I sat down and wrote, it became a letter to our old Army life.
It all just poured out of me in an unexpected way. I never thought I
would just sit down and become honest with myself and then share it with
others. I did this because often we lose ourselves in the negative side
of this life and forget that there is so much positive to it - even
with the breakdowns and numerous shedding of tears. I have decided that I
am going to put a sincere smile on my face and enable myself to be
happy despite the hard times, despite the breakdowns, despite the
injuries and despite what we are going through - and you can too! Our
lives as spouses of wounded veterans is far from easy, but the more any
of us dwell on the past and focus on the negative aspects, the worse off
each of us will be. Why bring unneeded misery to our lives, we have
enough of that with daily living when moments are rough. We can all make
a difference, whether it's revolving around our families or taking our
own experiences and using them to help others. I have taken this stand
and want to use our experiences to help others, to let them know they
are never alone. We have all been there.
I submitted the below article to Yahoo Contributor and they published
it a couple days ago, I won't share the whole thing on here, however
you can always click HERE to view it on Yahoo's website.
.......While I so desperately have wanted to hate you, I simply cannot. Had it
not been for you and all of your experiences, Kevin and I would not be
anything close to what we are today, nor would our marriage hold the
love and strength it does. Sure, I despise the stress that came with
you, the numerous times Kevin spent away from us, the many super close
calls, multiple changes you brought into our lives, injuries Kevin now
faces, and so much more. Yet, without you, this strength that now lives
within me would be nonexistent and my heart would never swell with pride
every time our National Anthem plays loudly through the speakers and
brings me to tears. I wouldn't know what my heart is capable of handling
and loving, just as I wouldn't know what it is like to miss someone so
much every ounce of my being hurts or what it's like to
fall in love with the same person over and over again upon every return
home. I wouldn't know what it's like to fill with pride and love as my
husband dressed in his BDU's and later in ACU's, stood in formation, or
led his soldiers. I wouldn't know what it's like to wait for that one
phone call to come in in over two months and that one call get me
through two more months of limited communication while he was in a war
zone. I wouldn't know the feeling of rockets hitting his FOB while we
are talking on the phone and listen to him as he drops the phone after
telling me he loves me; only to breakdown hours later as his voice came
through the speaker of that same phone telling me he was okay, they had
just lived through another attack........
.......You've taught me patience in every step, just as how you have taught me
"Hurry up and Wait" in everyday life. Everyone knows we all became
professionals in this sense. During his first deployment, you taught us
to never take a single moment for granted and to cherish every day that
we live, good or bad. You've given me strength and confidence to stand
up for what I believe in, to never give up, and to fight for Kevin with
his injuries, after all no one else can advocate for him as I can. You
left us with the cold reality of tomorrow not being promised so to enjoy
each breath we take and to always smile.......
To read this article in full, please visit http://voices.yahoo.com/article/9861689/dear-old-army-life-12086719.html?cat=9. Please feel free to share this blog post and the article.
To contact me, email brittney.biddle@yahoo.com
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Placing Judgement
Disclaimer: Please note that the post I wrote last year does not hold to how I feel today. I am not in a state of depression as I was and am only sharing this to help others not feel alone. This road we are on as wives of wounded veterans can be quite difficult and when other things are thrown into the mix, it is easy to lose sight of everyday life.
Tonight is one of those nights I find myself a bit overwhelmed with many emotions and so much that is weighing on my mind. When I look back at my life, never has there been a time I can recall of pure happiness with no struggles. There have always been hurdles I find myself leaping over, of course at times falling on my face. I've learned that no matter how hard I fall, I have to pick myself up and keep moving forward.
Last year around this time, everything in life hit me hard. My health issues and the constant fight for everyday life, the pain I feel daily and the inability to live as most others my age, Kevin's injuries and the way the war never ended for him (the internal war is much worse than the war he was in overseas), me becoming his caregiver, surgery after surgery that I have to endure as well as the ones Kevin has been through. I just didn't want to live this life or fight through anything anymore. I was so tired of the medical issues and felt so helpless with all that had happened to my husband. It seems that death is always lingering around and that people I love are taken too soon. Then again, death has been something I have been around since I was a young child and it is also a "common" thing when living as a military/veteran family. Last year I hit the point of feeling more of a burden and absolute failure than ever before. I reached a point that I watched my children yearning for me to play with them, but the pain throughout my abdomen and around my kidneys was so intense that I struggled to do much of anything. I struggled with seeing their disappointment in me and found myself feeling that I could never be the mother they needed with my medical issues. I had reached a state of depression I never knew could truly exist. I now have such a clear and better understanding for those that take their own lives. When you reach the point of being suicidal, there is no clear way of thinking. It is an overall distraught and dark place to be. That's where I was...To this day, I am not even sure what it was that pulled me out of that state, other than day to day life with Kevin and our children.
I did write a blog post and share it anonymously last June. I knew if I shared it on here or really with anyone that I would have lived in true hell with the comments and opinions of so many. There would have been more negativity than support and when I felt the way I did - support was what I needed and nothing else. Yet, I fought through it all pretty much on my own, again not wanting to "burden" anyone else with my emotions and the roller coaster I was on.
In the blog post, I wrote,
"Just a few weeks ago, I found myself beginning to hit bottom. I was at a loss on so many things in life and where my life was headed. I was battling my own demons, while watching my husband struggle with his from combat.
As I stood in my living room holding a bottle of medication in my hand, there was a moment that an out of place thought ran through my head of "take one...or just take them all". Never, has anything like that even crossed my mind. I honestly stood there debating whether or not to take them all because I felt like I was hitting bottom.
I felt like I was just shattering into a million tiny pieces with no one to help pick me back up. I was crumbing with nowhere to fall and with no one to fall into. I have a large amount of friends that surround me and say they are here, but I had I admitted these thoughts to any of them they would have told me to go to the ER, seek emergency help or they would tell me how sorry they are that things are as they are. Neither of what I was looking for. I wanted an outlet. I wanted to scream and yell. I wanted a friend to just hear me out, to hear my thoughts and feelings as I was at a point that I had never reached.
I tried not too long ago to talk to someone and was told that since I wasn't suicidal or homicidal, I could wait to talk to someone in the mental health field because others had a priority. Well, damn, if that's the way people that feel such as I have lately, I understand how one can reach the point of suicidal thoughts.
No, I am not going to harm myself. I would never take my life, I do have a lot to be thankful for. I am just frustrated and honestly feel like I am an emotional mess on a never ending roller coaster. There is that small part of me that has wondered if my family and friends would be better off without me. My husband looked at me a month ago and said "You always say how unstable and explosive I am...Look at you". I felt like it would have been better had he just hit me. I think I could have handled that much better.
I sent my husband to war twice. I helped him pack his bags. I watched as the military took him to combat, to fight against monsters. I stood beside him through it all and as he came home a different man from the first deployment, just to deploy again a year and a half later after receiving no help and fighting himself from the hell that he had lived in.
His first deployment may not have left me without my husband physically, but it left me without my husband mentally. He returned home someone that physically and mentally was struggling, on edge, apprehensive, and battling his own fierce demons.
I have struggled with the severity of my husbands injuries and the fact that as the days pass, I realize he is not getting better and in many ways, becoming worse. I have battled my own demons that many do not know about nor have they taken the time to learn. Yet, I tend to put a smile on my face and act as though all is okay. I stand strong, when there are times I feel so weak. There are days I want to fall apart, that I want support...yet I have no idea how to even bring these things up to those that call themselves a friend.
It's those that appear to be the strongest, that often need support the most...."
I didn't even pour all of my thoughts into this post, I just needed to get so much off my chest when I wrote and shared it. During my struggles and battles with the place I was in, friendships were torn apart and quite a few people referred to me as a "bitch". Now, as I think about it all, I find myself consumed with the reality of how quick friends and even family was to judge me without even asking what was going on or if I was okay. I wasn't purposely trying to anger anyone, ruin relationships, or be labeled as a total bitch. I was trying my hardest to get through every day without completely losing it...and I was doing it alone. Yet, here I am trying to justify my reasons and I shouldn't because ones that I thought were my true friends should have been there when they noticed changes in me, just as I would have for them. My heart still aches over everything.
Before I reached the point I did a year ago, I was one that instantly said suicide was the most selfish thing a person could do. I was that person that would judge instantly when someone had committed suicide, attempted it, or even thought about it. Now, I understand that having the thoughts honestly does not make someone less of a person, but that the person having the thoughts or even acting out on them is in such a deep and dark depression, they can't see the light. This is when more than ever, friends and family should step up. They should be there. When you notice a friend not acting right, posting negative things on FB, or simply pulling away, get your ass in gear and be a friend! Don't remove them from your fb friends because they are being so negative, don't ignore them because they aren't happy as they use to be...pick up the phone and call them. Ask them what's going on and then listen to them. When you are talking to them, ask yourself "Are you listening or are you waiting to talk?" (Thank you Steve Shenbaum for these words! Every conversation this now sticks with me). Take time to let that kick in and take it into every conversation you have with people. I really cannot comprehend how people can be so quick to place judgement or turn their back on others. Is it really that hard to be a friend? Being a friend is being judgement free.
For a couple weeks, this has been heavy on my mind and heart and I have debated even sharing it on here in fear, did I really want people to know how depressed I was last year? Did I really want more people to judge me and feel the need to either walk away or become overly opinionated in something that was not for them to judge? After a lot of thinking and debating, you can see I decided to share it. Think what you want and judge me as you will. I am honestly okay with it. My life isn't perfect, never has been - but neither has yours. There is so much that I keep bottled inside and even more that the majority will never know. I have been through more in the almost thirty years I have been living than I will ever share, because frankly, it is none of anyone's business. I have had to fight to live, especially the past two and a half years. I have been on my deathbed more than once and survived it, just as I will keep surviving the times that knock me on my ass in the future.
I have learned that it is okay and it is acceptable to have difficult and dark days as long as I can pick myself back up and push forward the next day. The thoughts of suicide don't cross my mind as they did. Just as many others, I do question life from time to time, nothing to be concerned about though. I have learned I have more strength than I ever imagined and will keep fighting for my life as well as my husbands and children. I have learned to let go of so many things and people lately. The ones that bring unneeded drama to my life have been let go. The ones that continuously hurt me have also been let go. I don't have the time nor energy for it anymore.
At the end of the day, despite medical issues and injuries, Kevin and our kids are my life. With or without anyone else, I can keep moving forward with those four by my side. I am a mother, wife, caregiver, friend, and so much more to those I love. To those that have stood beside me without judging this past year (and the years before), I thank you. To the few that pushed their way into my life when I hit bottom as hard as I did, thank you for being here and never judging. To those that recently found out about my thoughts last year and judged me, or are reading this now and placing judgement, take a long look in the mirror. For you to judge is an asinine thing to do. If you are negatively judging me right now, I can only hope you never find yourself in the state of depression I was in or that so many others fall into.
Tonight is one of those nights I find myself a bit overwhelmed with many emotions and so much that is weighing on my mind. When I look back at my life, never has there been a time I can recall of pure happiness with no struggles. There have always been hurdles I find myself leaping over, of course at times falling on my face. I've learned that no matter how hard I fall, I have to pick myself up and keep moving forward.
Last year around this time, everything in life hit me hard. My health issues and the constant fight for everyday life, the pain I feel daily and the inability to live as most others my age, Kevin's injuries and the way the war never ended for him (the internal war is much worse than the war he was in overseas), me becoming his caregiver, surgery after surgery that I have to endure as well as the ones Kevin has been through. I just didn't want to live this life or fight through anything anymore. I was so tired of the medical issues and felt so helpless with all that had happened to my husband. It seems that death is always lingering around and that people I love are taken too soon. Then again, death has been something I have been around since I was a young child and it is also a "common" thing when living as a military/veteran family. Last year I hit the point of feeling more of a burden and absolute failure than ever before. I reached a point that I watched my children yearning for me to play with them, but the pain throughout my abdomen and around my kidneys was so intense that I struggled to do much of anything. I struggled with seeing their disappointment in me and found myself feeling that I could never be the mother they needed with my medical issues. I had reached a state of depression I never knew could truly exist. I now have such a clear and better understanding for those that take their own lives. When you reach the point of being suicidal, there is no clear way of thinking. It is an overall distraught and dark place to be. That's where I was...To this day, I am not even sure what it was that pulled me out of that state, other than day to day life with Kevin and our children.
I did write a blog post and share it anonymously last June. I knew if I shared it on here or really with anyone that I would have lived in true hell with the comments and opinions of so many. There would have been more negativity than support and when I felt the way I did - support was what I needed and nothing else. Yet, I fought through it all pretty much on my own, again not wanting to "burden" anyone else with my emotions and the roller coaster I was on.
In the blog post, I wrote,
"Just a few weeks ago, I found myself beginning to hit bottom. I was at a loss on so many things in life and where my life was headed. I was battling my own demons, while watching my husband struggle with his from combat.
As I stood in my living room holding a bottle of medication in my hand, there was a moment that an out of place thought ran through my head of "take one...or just take them all". Never, has anything like that even crossed my mind. I honestly stood there debating whether or not to take them all because I felt like I was hitting bottom.
I felt like I was just shattering into a million tiny pieces with no one to help pick me back up. I was crumbing with nowhere to fall and with no one to fall into. I have a large amount of friends that surround me and say they are here, but I had I admitted these thoughts to any of them they would have told me to go to the ER, seek emergency help or they would tell me how sorry they are that things are as they are. Neither of what I was looking for. I wanted an outlet. I wanted to scream and yell. I wanted a friend to just hear me out, to hear my thoughts and feelings as I was at a point that I had never reached.
I tried not too long ago to talk to someone and was told that since I wasn't suicidal or homicidal, I could wait to talk to someone in the mental health field because others had a priority. Well, damn, if that's the way people that feel such as I have lately, I understand how one can reach the point of suicidal thoughts.
No, I am not going to harm myself. I would never take my life, I do have a lot to be thankful for. I am just frustrated and honestly feel like I am an emotional mess on a never ending roller coaster. There is that small part of me that has wondered if my family and friends would be better off without me. My husband looked at me a month ago and said "You always say how unstable and explosive I am...Look at you". I felt like it would have been better had he just hit me. I think I could have handled that much better.
I sent my husband to war twice. I helped him pack his bags. I watched as the military took him to combat, to fight against monsters. I stood beside him through it all and as he came home a different man from the first deployment, just to deploy again a year and a half later after receiving no help and fighting himself from the hell that he had lived in.
His first deployment may not have left me without my husband physically, but it left me without my husband mentally. He returned home someone that physically and mentally was struggling, on edge, apprehensive, and battling his own fierce demons.
I have struggled with the severity of my husbands injuries and the fact that as the days pass, I realize he is not getting better and in many ways, becoming worse. I have battled my own demons that many do not know about nor have they taken the time to learn. Yet, I tend to put a smile on my face and act as though all is okay. I stand strong, when there are times I feel so weak. There are days I want to fall apart, that I want support...yet I have no idea how to even bring these things up to those that call themselves a friend.
It's those that appear to be the strongest, that often need support the most...."
I didn't even pour all of my thoughts into this post, I just needed to get so much off my chest when I wrote and shared it. During my struggles and battles with the place I was in, friendships were torn apart and quite a few people referred to me as a "bitch". Now, as I think about it all, I find myself consumed with the reality of how quick friends and even family was to judge me without even asking what was going on or if I was okay. I wasn't purposely trying to anger anyone, ruin relationships, or be labeled as a total bitch. I was trying my hardest to get through every day without completely losing it...and I was doing it alone. Yet, here I am trying to justify my reasons and I shouldn't because ones that I thought were my true friends should have been there when they noticed changes in me, just as I would have for them. My heart still aches over everything.
Before I reached the point I did a year ago, I was one that instantly said suicide was the most selfish thing a person could do. I was that person that would judge instantly when someone had committed suicide, attempted it, or even thought about it. Now, I understand that having the thoughts honestly does not make someone less of a person, but that the person having the thoughts or even acting out on them is in such a deep and dark depression, they can't see the light. This is when more than ever, friends and family should step up. They should be there. When you notice a friend not acting right, posting negative things on FB, or simply pulling away, get your ass in gear and be a friend! Don't remove them from your fb friends because they are being so negative, don't ignore them because they aren't happy as they use to be...pick up the phone and call them. Ask them what's going on and then listen to them. When you are talking to them, ask yourself "Are you listening or are you waiting to talk?" (Thank you Steve Shenbaum for these words! Every conversation this now sticks with me). Take time to let that kick in and take it into every conversation you have with people. I really cannot comprehend how people can be so quick to place judgement or turn their back on others. Is it really that hard to be a friend? Being a friend is being judgement free.
For a couple weeks, this has been heavy on my mind and heart and I have debated even sharing it on here in fear, did I really want people to know how depressed I was last year? Did I really want more people to judge me and feel the need to either walk away or become overly opinionated in something that was not for them to judge? After a lot of thinking and debating, you can see I decided to share it. Think what you want and judge me as you will. I am honestly okay with it. My life isn't perfect, never has been - but neither has yours. There is so much that I keep bottled inside and even more that the majority will never know. I have been through more in the almost thirty years I have been living than I will ever share, because frankly, it is none of anyone's business. I have had to fight to live, especially the past two and a half years. I have been on my deathbed more than once and survived it, just as I will keep surviving the times that knock me on my ass in the future.
I have learned that it is okay and it is acceptable to have difficult and dark days as long as I can pick myself back up and push forward the next day. The thoughts of suicide don't cross my mind as they did. Just as many others, I do question life from time to time, nothing to be concerned about though. I have learned I have more strength than I ever imagined and will keep fighting for my life as well as my husbands and children. I have learned to let go of so many things and people lately. The ones that bring unneeded drama to my life have been let go. The ones that continuously hurt me have also been let go. I don't have the time nor energy for it anymore.
At the end of the day, despite medical issues and injuries, Kevin and our kids are my life. With or without anyone else, I can keep moving forward with those four by my side. I am a mother, wife, caregiver, friend, and so much more to those I love. To those that have stood beside me without judging this past year (and the years before), I thank you. To the few that pushed their way into my life when I hit bottom as hard as I did, thank you for being here and never judging. To those that recently found out about my thoughts last year and judged me, or are reading this now and placing judgement, take a long look in the mirror. For you to judge is an asinine thing to do. If you are negatively judging me right now, I can only hope you never find yourself in the state of depression I was in or that so many others fall into.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
USO's 4th Annual Caregivers Conference
On February 25, 2013 I had the opportunity to attend the USO's 4th Annual Caregivers Conference in San Diego, CA that has impacted my life in ways that I never imagined. The presentations and atmosphere as a whole has changed my life in such a positive way. There are not words that describe the impact that was made or all that has remained in my life. This conference has helped me to open up more to our life and to what we are going through, as well as openly express to others what we have been through. If our experiences and our story can help someone else out in life, then I want to help. After attending this conference I have been able to grasp how far our family has come and how far I have come as an individual. There is no doubt that we will have many hard days ahead with Kevin's injuries and I am "okay" with that because I know that the good days will guide me through the difficult ones. Those few and far between glimpses of who he use to be bring light to the darkness. I also know that bad days are okay to have, as long as I can pick myself up the following day and continue walking on with a smile. This life is one that I never anticipate, one that I never dreamed I would live. However, it is the life I have been given and with it I will make the most. I am proud of my husband and the man he is and know that despite the injuries, seen and unseen, he cannot help his actions most of the time or the way his PTSD and TBI's tend to "take over" his life and our family. I am just grateful to have him here and feel blessed that I can be here for him as his wife and caregiver. Thank you so much to the USO and everyone involved in this conference. My appreciation goes such a long way! I cannot wait to see what the next conferences have in line for the many caregivers of our wounded veterans! Thank you for all that you have done, do and will continue to do in the future!
The mission of the USO's CEO and President, Sloan Gibson spoke to all of us, expressing the mission of the USO is to lift spirits among the service members, families, veterans, and caregivers of veterans. We now fall into three of those four categories. I attended this conference as a wife of a wounded combat veteran, but also as his caregiver - which I became without even realizing it following Kevin's injuries. Sloan went over four goals of the USO, which I believe are reachable and need to happen.
- Sustain hope and instill confidence for a fulfilling future
- Keep families together and strong. Healing is so much more that operating rooms and recoveries. It goes beyond that.
- Have a plan for future families
- Help families build a network of support for the future.
Sloan Gibson has held presidency with the USO since 2008 and is a graduate of United States Military Academy at West Point. He served as an Infantry Officer and earned both his Airborne and Ranger qualifications.
Col Willard Buhl was the next person that spoke briefly to us. He spoke to us about us being caregivers and how we have to take times for ourselves. Too often caregivers experience Caregiver Fatigue and we lose our bedside manner. We become short with those around us, those that we are closest to and sometimes it takes someone on the outside to point this out. It takes the true friends and family we have to tell us we need a break, to tell us to take a "time out". What we are dealing with should not become a stigma in our lives and it should never be something that we don't want to admit.
We need to surround ourselves with people that we have a good relationship with that we trust and can help bring us back to common ground and help us to adjust. This life we are living is a team effort and if we don't work together, we won't survive it. We must learn to delegate things in our lives. Yes, I know this is a very difficult thing for many of us, but we have to learn to hand responsibilities over in life. As human beings, we will never get everything done if we are expected to keep going twenty four hours a day. As a caregiver, we must learn to take breaks and take time for ourselves.
Col Buhl, Commander, Marine Corps Wounded Warrior Regiment. He enlisted in the Marine Corps in 1981 and commissioned in 1986.
Game On Nation - Confidence Boosting and Laughter:
Learn to stay Optimistic During a Difficult Time
When Steve began, he stated his intention was to "move us with laughter". In the beginning he automatically started with the fact that we all need to laugh and how laughter sends off endorphins making us feel better. We listened as he spoke about connecting with others and the importance of connections. There are three rules for connecting with others that we all need to follow:
- Don't bounce - don't go from one person to another and never connect. Don't stare at someone, just connect. Get to know each other. This all starts with a smile. If you remember someone's eye color, you will remember their name. So, get their eye color.
- Are you listening or are you just waiting to talk?
- Don't be too cool for school. For us to move one another, we must put our cool away. No one wakes up in the morning thinking "Hey, I want people to laugh at me today". Remember to always laugh with - not at.
Steve went over "Expert Speaking" with us, explaining we are all expert speakers. We are all presenters in life, whether it be a job interview, date, teaching, or volunteering. When speaking, people are leaning into our words. Listen to the title, "Expert Speaker" - we are all experts in our lives and should all root for one another. When the Expert Speaker game was played, there were three rule: all of which we should abide by.
- Everything you say is correct and I will agree
- Everything I say is correct and I will agree
- Take care of one another. You take care of me and I will take care of you.
- Show it before you say it. Sit and act like an expert. Have confidence in yourself. Often, we are the pilot.
- When communicating with loved ones, you are the expert on you. Surround yourself with experts.
- Always surround yourself with people that will have your back. People that will and are clowning on you, let them go! Protect your wall and protect your space. (From my last retreat: Protect your hoop!!!)
When connecting with someone by using coins, don't fake the connection with "I understand". Connect with things that light you up - outside of being a caregiver and outside of the military. Find what you have in common. This is where connections and bonds are formed.
What are your coins? Find your value, smile, and own it!!!
If you are an organization looking for a presenter or an individual looking for laughter and gaining strength while doing so, I encourage you to look at the video in the link a couple paragraphs above. Look at Steve's website, Game On. This is a man that has touched the lives of many, including mine. He changes outlooks, while bringing humor into a room. There are not enough words to explain how my outlook on things has changed, which in return plays a positive impact on my life.
Steve is a former actor and is now president and founder of Game On Nation. He has worked with seven No 1 overall draft picks from the NBA, NFL, and NHL, as well as numerous college athletic teams.
What About the Kids?
Raising Children and Teens During Transition
What are the current challenges our children are facing?
They are not getting enough information from us as parents and adults. They are left feeling confused and worried. We need to communicate with them and explain the situation, explain the injuries and how they have affected not only the veteran, but the family as well. When our children don't have answers to issues they know exist, they will make up stories for answers. Communication is so important. Explain to them that the medications Daddy uses make him sleepy or that Dad had a big bang on his head, so we can't play how we use to - but we can still play and have fun. Explain with the head injury that dad can't handle bright lights, so that is why he keeps rooms dark when he is in them.
With age, personality, and growth, children can handle and cope with things differently. Remember this when talking and communicating with your children. When they know what is going on and they aren't acting differently, let it all go and know they are okay. Give them knowledge because it makes them feel involved. It's important to let them know they can always come to you and ask anything - no questions are silly. They don't want to "burden" you with questions because too often they hear "don't worry about it", so make sure you give your children the ability to talk. Also, remind your children that daddy/mom still love them and they are still dad/mom.
Children become "experts" at being okay, so finding a safe way to build communication - reconnect and rebuild is crucial. Give your children journals as a way to express themselves. Ask them "Did you notice..." when it comes to obvious changes in their injured parent, then follow it with "how did it make you feel?" Continue to have conversations about everyday life - not just when things happen. Let them know that we are all vulnerable and that it's okay to show emotions. It's okay to cry.
As a parent, never be afraid to show them you worry. Say more to them than, "I know how you feel", instead replace it with, "I'm worried to...". Never judge your children based on their thoughts. Talk through scenarios and give them tools when they are on their own. Give them and help them build the self-confidence to handle situations.
When someone offers to help you and your family, remember them and take them up on it! If they didn't want to help, they wouldn't offer. We aren't wonder woman and when we feel better as a person, we will be a better parent, wife, and caregiver.
Trevor Romain, Co-Founder and President of The Comfort Crew for Military Kids. He is a best selling author and illustrator of self-help books for children, as well as a motivational speaker. Trevor has performed on many USO tours, helping military kids deal with problems they face on daily basis - from deployments to wounded parents to the loss of a loved one.
Diana Holmes is a wife to a Marine, caregiver, and mother of four children.
Melinda Morgan, Ph. D., LCSW, Site Director Families OverComing Under Stress...or FOCUS, at Camp Pendleton
Invisible Wounds:
Post-Traumatic Stress and TBI Recognition
This session was led by Nancy Commisso, Melissa Nova, and Sarah B. Asmussen. Throughout
this session, we listened as the speakers hit on the invisible wounds,
that we all know so well and the signs/symptoms of these injuries. PTSD
leaves your veteran in a constant state of anxiety and nervousness,
always uneasy with what will happen next. No matter how long the veteran
lives with PTSD, it will always be an active disorder.
When your spouse, give them a sense of purpose in the home. Give him a
reason. If he is unable to work outside the home, he may feel as though
he has no purpose and it becomes easy to dwell on limitations and
injuries, other than purposeful and positive energy. Encourage him/her
to find a sense of purpose and enjoyment to keep them motivated.
Caregivers, carrying our own sense of worry can become our own personal
"PTSD". Take advantage of the mental health care that is offered for
caregivers through the VA.
Nancy Commisso, Director, Military Family and Wounded Warrior Caregiver Support, Easter Seals DC/MD/VA
Melissa Novoa,
Caregiver and Spouse to a medically retired Marine. She is a mother of
three and full-time employee of the naval hospital at Camp Pendleton.
She speaks about her experiences because if has aided in her own
recovery.
Sarah Asmussen, Ph. D., Co-Senior Scientific Director and Clinical Neuropsychologist, Defense and Veterans Brain Injury Center
Couples Intimacy and Communication:
Breaking the Barriers to a Healthy Relationship
Life in the military adds many obstacles in our lives, but when you add
in injuries; seen and unseen, the obstacles are amplified beyond what we
could ever imagine. Noel Meador, Nicole James, and Chaplain (Lt.Col)
Laura Bender touched on this topic.
Our lives are slowly becoming the "new normal" as we adjust to the
injuries of our veterans. This alone can raise emotions, including
anger. When anger comes out, defense is made. However, anger is
typically an outlet for something much deeper, such as fear,
frustration,and grief. You are grieving for the loss of the present,
loss of what the future is suppose to be. You have the thoughts of "he
didn't die over there, but he didn't come home either". I know I for
one, have this thought all the time. It often crosses my mind that
physically my husband came home, but tragically not all of him
returned.
It would be helpful to you as his caregiver to take time to process all
of this and to research what you and your veteran are going through.
Combat injuries are a lot to take on in life and for our families. Learn
the effect that the injuries will and do have on the veteran and your
family. Educate yourself on the extreme highs and extreme lows that will
come with the injuries and your lives. Cognitive issues and PTSD make
things in life a bit more challenging. One thing to remember: Men need
to be respected and admired and women need affection. As a married
couple, you have to find the mixture of these things.
Noel made a good point, "The one big thing you need for communication to be affective is empathy". Always remember this.
As humans, we are often afraid of conflict. We try to avoid it, yet what
we are avoiding is a resolution to a problem. Act in a positive manner
to address the conflict, which in return will lead to a successful
resolution. Managing a conflict in a positive manner will leave you
satisfied in the long run.
If you change dynamics in a relationship, you will see the domino effect
take place. One one changes, the other will soon follow suite without
realizing it.
A relationship is like a car: It requires maintenance to keep it flowing
in a healthy manner. It needs a tune up after so many miles. With that
being said, why do we think our relationships can go on without basic
tuneups? Relationships take work and at times counseling, and that's
okay. It's needed. Keep your relationship in line and remember it takes
maintenance, patience, and love to keep it healthy. Feelings will follow
actions most of the time. It is possible to maintain a healthy
relationship and marriage after injuries if you look at it in a new way
and new beginning.
Stronger Families offers a FREE 7 Day Love Challenge that is definitely worth taking time to check out. For a small amount, you can also take the Couple Checkup.
This site allows couples to restore insight and understanding in
couples while they are able to hold conversations that they probably
would not have held before the checkup.
Noel Meador, Executive Director, Stronger Families.
Noel is dedicated to strengthening families and marriages. He works
with wounded, ill, and injured military couples at various military
installations and medical facilities in partnership with the USO Warrior and Family Care.
Take time to look at the Stronger Families website and make an effort
to attend the conferences that are being scheduled at military
installations nationwide. These conferences are worth every moment that
you will spend attending one.
Nicole James, Caregiver and Spouse to a Marine Sergeant.
Chaplain (Lt. Col) Laura Bender, Marine Corps Wounded Warrior Regiment.
About the USO Warrior and Family Care (the following is directly from the USO):
USO Warrior and Family Care
offers program support for wounded, ill and injured troops, their
families and caregivers, as well as families of the fallen. This support
provides a continuum of care that helps provide wounded, ill or injured
warriors with the hope and confidence to sustain their journey toward
full and rewarding lives. The program presents the best opportunity for
our heroes to heal with honor. It also supports the troops' families and
caregivers throughout the recovery process, as well as giving
assistance to families of the fallen.
Follow the USO's website to find out when future Caregivers Conferences will be held so that you or someone you know can register to attend.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Once Upon a Time
The Super Bowl is quickly approaching us and I cannot honestly tell you who is playing this year... Why? For starters my life is NOTHING as it use to be...
Once upon a time, football was a big part of me. The season would kick off and from Saturday through Monday games were on our TV as we rooted for our favorite teams. I have never been a huge Pro fan, but LOVE College ball! When I wasn't watching it, I would find myself engrossed in conversations. We would talk about score of the past weekend and run our mouths about upcoming games. All in fun, of course! Then, Kev's injuries became more apparent, so much that the Army Medically Retired him out once they found him unfit for duty due to injuries sustained in combat.
I use to be able to keep up with stats, players, scores and so on. I was the girl in a group of guys talking mad crap with confidence because I knew what I was talking about. Now, I am lucky if I can even remember to keep our bathrooms stocked with toilet paper, let alone remember when a game is on television and who is playing.
My priorities have changed immensely in the past couple of years. We are bringing football season to an end in a week and I have yet to watch one game...this makes season two of this. Instead, I spend my days forgetting what day it is unless I look at a calendar while taking care of my wounded husband, children, and myself. It seems our house never has a dull moment. Kevin is under mental health "therapy" every two weeks for his PTSD, then he has appointments for numerous other things at random times. Breanna and her asthma keep me from never wanting to be too terribly far from her. For the most part, it seems as though she has it under control and knows an attack is on it's way before a wheeze even escapes her. Caitlin is falling behind in school and has really had a rough time with her ADHD this past year. She really has me concerned. Nic is...well he is my bright eyed, five year old, full of energy little boy. He NEVER stops and I mean, NEVER! I wish I had just ten percent of the energy he holds! Then there is me... I have recovered from my surgery, but still have some pain. It will never go away and has now been labeled as chronic pain due to the kidney failure issues and multiple surgeries. There is nothing they can do except put me through surgery every year or so. I have recently found that I am anemic again and have honestly been holding off seeing my doctor because I am just exhausted from feeling like a pin cushion. Before anyone worries, I will be making an appointment on Monday. It just all seems never ending and honestly can be more than overwhelming at times. This is just a small insight of why I am not up on football as I use to be.
This whole post stems from watching those around me, friends and family, discuss football as though it is the only thing that matters in life. I have seen so many become so engulfed in the game like it will really play an actual part in what their life holds. In all reality, football won't affect how any of us are living our lives...it won't pay our bills unless we are playing the game or illegally gambling. It won't put food on our tables or help cure us of medical issues and hard times. It is a luxury that many take to an extreme. It is a fun sport and just like the next person, I love to get into the game. But it's not my life, nor should it be so important to other people that they stop living their lives or that they live their lives around a game.
Why, as Americans, do we allow ourselves to take a sport to the extreme? So many do and neglect their families, get togethers, and other meaningful things because they let a game take over and push past what their true priorities should be. Maybe I am bitter in a sense because I have been faced with the brutal truth of the reality of war and what it does to families. Football games and so many other things no longer hold an importance in my life because life is too short. Sports are fun, which is what they should be, but whether someone wins or loses won't change the moment I am in or what tomorrow holds.
Instead of focusing on football, I have chosen to focus on what matters in life... My family, Kevin's injuries, my kids and what they are going through, and my health issues. Everything else will fall into place after these things. Our lives are not even day to day, but instead moment to moment now.
Once upon a time, football was a big part of me. The season would kick off and from Saturday through Monday games were on our TV as we rooted for our favorite teams. I have never been a huge Pro fan, but LOVE College ball! When I wasn't watching it, I would find myself engrossed in conversations. We would talk about score of the past weekend and run our mouths about upcoming games. All in fun, of course! Then, Kev's injuries became more apparent, so much that the Army Medically Retired him out once they found him unfit for duty due to injuries sustained in combat.
I use to be able to keep up with stats, players, scores and so on. I was the girl in a group of guys talking mad crap with confidence because I knew what I was talking about. Now, I am lucky if I can even remember to keep our bathrooms stocked with toilet paper, let alone remember when a game is on television and who is playing.
My priorities have changed immensely in the past couple of years. We are bringing football season to an end in a week and I have yet to watch one game...this makes season two of this. Instead, I spend my days forgetting what day it is unless I look at a calendar while taking care of my wounded husband, children, and myself. It seems our house never has a dull moment. Kevin is under mental health "therapy" every two weeks for his PTSD, then he has appointments for numerous other things at random times. Breanna and her asthma keep me from never wanting to be too terribly far from her. For the most part, it seems as though she has it under control and knows an attack is on it's way before a wheeze even escapes her. Caitlin is falling behind in school and has really had a rough time with her ADHD this past year. She really has me concerned. Nic is...well he is my bright eyed, five year old, full of energy little boy. He NEVER stops and I mean, NEVER! I wish I had just ten percent of the energy he holds! Then there is me... I have recovered from my surgery, but still have some pain. It will never go away and has now been labeled as chronic pain due to the kidney failure issues and multiple surgeries. There is nothing they can do except put me through surgery every year or so. I have recently found that I am anemic again and have honestly been holding off seeing my doctor because I am just exhausted from feeling like a pin cushion. Before anyone worries, I will be making an appointment on Monday. It just all seems never ending and honestly can be more than overwhelming at times. This is just a small insight of why I am not up on football as I use to be.
This whole post stems from watching those around me, friends and family, discuss football as though it is the only thing that matters in life. I have seen so many become so engulfed in the game like it will really play an actual part in what their life holds. In all reality, football won't affect how any of us are living our lives...it won't pay our bills unless we are playing the game or illegally gambling. It won't put food on our tables or help cure us of medical issues and hard times. It is a luxury that many take to an extreme. It is a fun sport and just like the next person, I love to get into the game. But it's not my life, nor should it be so important to other people that they stop living their lives or that they live their lives around a game.
Why, as Americans, do we allow ourselves to take a sport to the extreme? So many do and neglect their families, get togethers, and other meaningful things because they let a game take over and push past what their true priorities should be. Maybe I am bitter in a sense because I have been faced with the brutal truth of the reality of war and what it does to families. Football games and so many other things no longer hold an importance in my life because life is too short. Sports are fun, which is what they should be, but whether someone wins or loses won't change the moment I am in or what tomorrow holds.
Instead of focusing on football, I have chosen to focus on what matters in life... My family, Kevin's injuries, my kids and what they are going through, and my health issues. Everything else will fall into place after these things. Our lives are not even day to day, but instead moment to moment now.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Nine Things You Should Never Say to Someone with TBI
Yesterday America Stands Together, a Facebook Page, posted Nine Things You Should Never Say to Someone with a TBI and I cannot help but to share it! Too often I have heard these comments said, either directed to my husband or about him. Comments have even been made to me on why I do what I do or that I do too much. Click Here to read it on their Facebook page and make sure you Like their page!!!
Brain injury is confusing to people who don’t have one. It’s natural to want to say something, to voice an opinion or offer advice, even when we don’t understand.
And when you care for a loved one with a brain injury, it’s easy to get burnt out and say things out of frustration.
Here are a few things you might find yourself saying that are probably not helpful:
1. You seem fine to me.
The invisible signs of a brain injury — memory and concentration problems, fatigue, insomnia, chronic pain, depression, or anxiety — these are sometimes more difficult to live with than visible disabilities. Research shows that having just a scar on the head can help a person with a brain injury feel validated and better understood. Your loved one may look normal, but shrugging off the invisible signs of brain injury is belittling. Consider this: a memory problem can be much more disabling than a limp.
2. Maybe you’re just not trying hard enough (you’re lazy).
Lazy is not the same as apathy (lack of interest, motivation, or emotion). Apathy is a disorder and common after a brain injury. Apathy can often get in the way of rehabilitation and recovery, so it’s important to recognize and treat it. Certain prescription drugs have been shown to reduce apathy. Setting very specific goals might also help.
Do beware of problems that mimic apathy. Depression, fatigue, and chronic pain are common after a brain injury, and can look like (or be combined with) apathy. Side effects of some prescription drugs can also look like apathy. Try to discover the root of the problem, so that you can help advocate for proper treatment.
3. You’re such a grump!
Irritability is one of the most common signs of a brain injury. Irritability could be the direct result of the brain injury, or a side effect of depression, anxiety, chronic pain, sleep disorders, or fatigue. Think of it as a biological grumpiness — it’s not as if your loved one can get some air and come back in a better mood. It can come and go without reason.
It’s hard to live with someone who is grumpy, moody, or angry all the time. Certain prescription drugs, supplements, changes in diet, or therapy that focuses on adjustment and coping skills can all help to reduce irritability.
4. How many times do I have to tell you?
It’s frustrating to repeat yourself over and over, but almost everyone who has a brain injury will experience some memory problems. Instead of pointing out a deficit, try finding a solution. Make the task easier. Create a routine. Install a memo board in the kitchen. Also, remember that language isn’t always verbal. “I’ve already told you this” comes through loud and clear just by facial expression.
5. Do you have any idea how much I do for you?
Your loved one probably knows how much you do, and feels incredibly guilty about it. It’s also possible that your loved one has no clue, and may never understand. This can be due to problems with awareness, memory, or apathy — all of which can be a direct result of a brain injury. You do need to unload your burden on someone, just let that someone be a good friend or a counselor.
6. Your problem is all the medications you take.
Prescription drugs can cause all kinds of side effects such as sluggishness, insomnia, memory problems, mania, sexual dysfunction, or weight gain — just to name a few. Someone with a brain injury is especially sensitive to these effects. But, if you blame everything on the effects of drugs, two things could happen. One, you might be encouraging your loved one to stop taking an important drug prematurely. Two, you might be overlooking a genuine sign of brain injury.
It’s a good idea to regularly review prescription drugs with a doctor. Don’t be afraid to ask about alternatives that might reduce side effects. At some point in recovery, it might very well be the right time to taper off a drug. But, you won’t know this without regular follow-up.
7. Let me do that for you.
Independence and control are two of the most important things lost after a brain injury. Yes, it may be easier to do things for your loved one. Yes, it may be less frustrating. But, encouraging your loved one to do things on their own will help promote self-esteem, confidence, and quality of living. It can also help the brain recover faster.
Do make sure that the task isn’t one that might put your loved one at genuine risk — such as driving too soon or managing medication when there are significant memory problems.
8. Try to think positively.
That’s easier said than done for many people, and even harder for someone with a brain injury. Repetitive negative thinking is called rumination, and it can be common after a brain injury. Rumination is usually related to depression or anxiety, and so treating those problems may help break the negative thinking cycle.
Furthermore, if you tell someone to stop thinking about a certain negative thought, that thought will just be pushed further towards the front of the mind (literally, to the prefrontal cortex). Instead, find a task that is especially enjoyable for your loved one. It will help to distract from negative thinking, and release chemicals that promote more positive thoughts.
9. You’re lucky to be alive.
This sounds like positive thinking, looking on the bright side of things. But be careful. A person with a brain injury is six times more likely to have suicidal thoughts than someone without a brain injury. Some may not feel very lucky to be alive. Instead of calling it “luck,” talk about how strong, persistent, or heroic the person is for getting through their ordeal. Tell them that they’re awesome.
STAND TALL through your struggles....you are NOT ALONE, for WE STAND WITH YOU!
LEARM MORE about America Stands Together here @ http://www.facebook.com/
Brain injury is confusing to people who don’t have one. It’s natural to want to say something, to voice an opinion or offer advice, even when we don’t understand.
And when you care for a loved one with a brain injury, it’s easy to get burnt out and say things out of frustration.
Here are a few things you might find yourself saying that are probably not helpful:
1. You seem fine to me.
The invisible signs of a brain injury — memory and concentration problems, fatigue, insomnia, chronic pain, depression, or anxiety — these are sometimes more difficult to live with than visible disabilities. Research shows that having just a scar on the head can help a person with a brain injury feel validated and better understood. Your loved one may look normal, but shrugging off the invisible signs of brain injury is belittling. Consider this: a memory problem can be much more disabling than a limp.
2. Maybe you’re just not trying hard enough (you’re lazy).
Lazy is not the same as apathy (lack of interest, motivation, or emotion). Apathy is a disorder and common after a brain injury. Apathy can often get in the way of rehabilitation and recovery, so it’s important to recognize and treat it. Certain prescription drugs have been shown to reduce apathy. Setting very specific goals might also help.
Do beware of problems that mimic apathy. Depression, fatigue, and chronic pain are common after a brain injury, and can look like (or be combined with) apathy. Side effects of some prescription drugs can also look like apathy. Try to discover the root of the problem, so that you can help advocate for proper treatment.
3. You’re such a grump!
Irritability is one of the most common signs of a brain injury. Irritability could be the direct result of the brain injury, or a side effect of depression, anxiety, chronic pain, sleep disorders, or fatigue. Think of it as a biological grumpiness — it’s not as if your loved one can get some air and come back in a better mood. It can come and go without reason.
It’s hard to live with someone who is grumpy, moody, or angry all the time. Certain prescription drugs, supplements, changes in diet, or therapy that focuses on adjustment and coping skills can all help to reduce irritability.
4. How many times do I have to tell you?
It’s frustrating to repeat yourself over and over, but almost everyone who has a brain injury will experience some memory problems. Instead of pointing out a deficit, try finding a solution. Make the task easier. Create a routine. Install a memo board in the kitchen. Also, remember that language isn’t always verbal. “I’ve already told you this” comes through loud and clear just by facial expression.
5. Do you have any idea how much I do for you?
Your loved one probably knows how much you do, and feels incredibly guilty about it. It’s also possible that your loved one has no clue, and may never understand. This can be due to problems with awareness, memory, or apathy — all of which can be a direct result of a brain injury. You do need to unload your burden on someone, just let that someone be a good friend or a counselor.
6. Your problem is all the medications you take.
Prescription drugs can cause all kinds of side effects such as sluggishness, insomnia, memory problems, mania, sexual dysfunction, or weight gain — just to name a few. Someone with a brain injury is especially sensitive to these effects. But, if you blame everything on the effects of drugs, two things could happen. One, you might be encouraging your loved one to stop taking an important drug prematurely. Two, you might be overlooking a genuine sign of brain injury.
It’s a good idea to regularly review prescription drugs with a doctor. Don’t be afraid to ask about alternatives that might reduce side effects. At some point in recovery, it might very well be the right time to taper off a drug. But, you won’t know this without regular follow-up.
7. Let me do that for you.
Independence and control are two of the most important things lost after a brain injury. Yes, it may be easier to do things for your loved one. Yes, it may be less frustrating. But, encouraging your loved one to do things on their own will help promote self-esteem, confidence, and quality of living. It can also help the brain recover faster.
Do make sure that the task isn’t one that might put your loved one at genuine risk — such as driving too soon or managing medication when there are significant memory problems.
8. Try to think positively.
That’s easier said than done for many people, and even harder for someone with a brain injury. Repetitive negative thinking is called rumination, and it can be common after a brain injury. Rumination is usually related to depression or anxiety, and so treating those problems may help break the negative thinking cycle.
Furthermore, if you tell someone to stop thinking about a certain negative thought, that thought will just be pushed further towards the front of the mind (literally, to the prefrontal cortex). Instead, find a task that is especially enjoyable for your loved one. It will help to distract from negative thinking, and release chemicals that promote more positive thoughts.
9. You’re lucky to be alive.
This sounds like positive thinking, looking on the bright side of things. But be careful. A person with a brain injury is six times more likely to have suicidal thoughts than someone without a brain injury. Some may not feel very lucky to be alive. Instead of calling it “luck,” talk about how strong, persistent, or heroic the person is for getting through their ordeal. Tell them that they’re awesome.
STAND TALL through your struggles....you are NOT ALONE, for WE STAND WITH YOU!
LEARM MORE about America Stands Together here @ http://www.facebook.com/
Monday, January 7, 2013
101 in 1001 Days My Bucket List
Over the past couple of weeks, I have talked off and on about putting together a Bucket List to the point of even chatting with my daughters about it. Around the same time that we were consumed by this conversation, a friend of mine, Kristle, posted her Bucket List on her blog, "Pretend Like it's the Weekend". Of course, I found myself more motivated to put mine into print, but life re-routed me in a different direction and I obviously didn't follow through! However, tonight another friend, Torrey, shared her bucket list with us on Facebook. Now, here I am motivated and ready to share mine! I can't wait to see who else follows!
The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).
Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past – frequently simple goals such as New Year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.
The Start Date:
1/1/13
The End Date:
9/27/15
Goals in progress are italicized, goals completed are bolded
1. Obtain my Concealed Carry Permit
2. Volunteer more
3. Work out 3 times a week for a minimum of 6 months
4. Learn how to accept compliments and constructive critisim
5. Go to NYC and stay on Time Square
6. Get over hating to make phone calls
7. Have weekly girlfriend dates - phone, lunch, coffee...
8. Take the girls to Six Flags
9. Take a picture with Santa Claus
10. Become a Director with Thirty-One
11. Let the kids be kids without my OCD taking over, just for one day
12. Play in the rain with the kids
13. Take the kids to Disney World
14. Allow myself to make mistakes and be okay with it
15. Pay of card debt
16. Learn how to can foods
17. Attend at least 5 concerts
18. Fly kites with the kids
19. Give back to Operation Homefront
20. Make a list of 100 quotes that inspire me or have touched my life
21. Learn how to play the guitar
22. Decorate my bedroom
23. Pay off my truck
24. Make a new friend
25. Go one full day without picking up my cell phone
26. Write a Children's Book in regards to combat PTSD and other injuries
27. Audition for The Voice
28. Learn to become a morning person
29. Find a Church we love
30. Swim with dolphins
31. Let the kids plan the meals for 1 day and not say one word despite what they decide upon
32. Take part in 20+ family movie nights
33. Blog a minimum of two times per week per blog (http://biddlebuzz.com & http://southerngirlsstand.com)
34. Sing the National Anthem
35. Rock Climbing (Even if it is inside on one of the "pretend" rocks)
36.Open a business
37. Attend a Writer's Workshop
38. Take a dance class
39. Create a Chore and Punishment Chart for the kids and STICK to it!
40. Work with a Non-Profit Organization or Charity for combat vets and families, again
41. Sing loud and dance with kids
42. Send at least 100 random "thinking about you" cards/letters
43. Eat a NYC hotdog from the corner cart in NYC
44. Take Kevin to Alaska. This is somewhere he has always wanted to go
45. Take a family trip to Sea World in Orlando
46. For one month, blog daily about something I am grateful for
47. Write a letter to someone I admire
48. Hold a baby alligator
49. Attend a University of Florida football game
50. Learn a new word everyday for a month
51. Drop down 2 pant sizes
52. Make a quilt from 31 swatches
53. Have a 10 year anniversary party
54. Learn to say "no" without feeling guilty
55. Write a book
56. Get published
57. Donate clothes to a women's shelter
58. Let go of the individuals that bring me down
59. Have a girls weekend away
60. Have a "me" day - spa day
61. Take up photography
62. Volunteer with the kids at a nursing home
63. Take gifts to children at a children's hospital.
64. Make a difference in someone's life
65. Play the violin again
66. Go to the Grand Ole Opry
67. Start school, working towards a degree in Marketing
68. Design a new website
69. Organize my office
70. Learn to play chess
71. Have a date day with each kid, one on one
72. Let me children know just how much I love them
73. Travel/road trip up the east coast
74. Add videos of me talking on my blog
75. Take the kids tubing
76. Paint a picture
77. Face a fear and blog about it
78. Go boar hunting
79. Take kids to a Braves Game
80. Read 75 books
81. Go to a shooting range
82. Attend Thirty-One National Conference as a Director
83. Attend Thirty-One National Conference as a Senior Director
84. Make 1 Saturday a month a day dedicated to my children
85. Take a photo of my children everyday for 4 months
86. See an alligator
87. Attend a Blog Conference
88. Take a self-defense class
89. Buy a house sitting on land
90. Complete a 365 day photo project and share on my blog
91. Write a letter to each one of my children expressing lessons learned in life
92. Become more confident in myself
93. Invest a little money into stocks
94. Encourage someone else to make a list
95. Open a Savings Account for each child
96. Volunteer after a National Disaster
97. Horseback riding on the beach
98. Hold 5 Fundraisers for charities/NPO's
99. Host a monthly giveaway on my blog for 6+ months
100. Pay $10 for every goal I don't complete to a Charity or NPO
101. Make a 101 list before this one is over 09/27/2015
Now, are you ready to start yours? Have you written one? If so, just share the link below and I will link your blog to this one!!!
and to Torrey Shannon for motivating me even more with her Bucket List blog post at Torrey Shannon.
Additional Bloggers:
Pam - A Glimpse into My Life
Elle - i’mnotsurewhattocallthis
Aimee Taylor - “A Patient Heart”
The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).
Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past – frequently simple goals such as New Year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.
The Start Date:
1/1/13
The End Date:
9/27/15
Goals in progress are italicized, goals completed are bolded
1. Obtain my Concealed Carry Permit
2. Volunteer more
3. Work out 3 times a week for a minimum of 6 months
4. Learn how to accept compliments and constructive critisim
5. Go to NYC and stay on Time Square
6. Get over hating to make phone calls
7. Have weekly girlfriend dates - phone, lunch, coffee...
8. Take the girls to Six Flags
9. Take a picture with Santa Claus
10. Become a Director with Thirty-One
11. Let the kids be kids without my OCD taking over, just for one day
12. Play in the rain with the kids
13. Take the kids to Disney World
14. Allow myself to make mistakes and be okay with it
15. Pay of card debt
16. Learn how to can foods
17. Attend at least 5 concerts
18. Fly kites with the kids
19. Give back to Operation Homefront
20. Make a list of 100 quotes that inspire me or have touched my life
21. Learn how to play the guitar
22. Decorate my bedroom
23. Pay off my truck
24. Make a new friend
25. Go one full day without picking up my cell phone
26. Write a Children's Book in regards to combat PTSD and other injuries
27. Audition for The Voice
28. Learn to become a morning person
29. Find a Church we love
30. Swim with dolphins
31. Let the kids plan the meals for 1 day and not say one word despite what they decide upon
32. Take part in 20+ family movie nights
33. Blog a minimum of two times per week per blog (http://biddlebuzz.com & http://southerngirlsstand.com)
34. Sing the National Anthem
35. Rock Climbing (Even if it is inside on one of the "pretend" rocks)
36.Open a business
37. Attend a Writer's Workshop
38. Take a dance class
39. Create a Chore and Punishment Chart for the kids and STICK to it!
40. Work with a Non-Profit Organization or Charity for combat vets and families, again
41. Sing loud and dance with kids
42. Send at least 100 random "thinking about you" cards/letters
43. Eat a NYC hotdog from the corner cart in NYC
44. Take Kevin to Alaska. This is somewhere he has always wanted to go
45. Take a family trip to Sea World in Orlando
46. For one month, blog daily about something I am grateful for
47. Write a letter to someone I admire
48. Hold a baby alligator
49. Attend a University of Florida football game
50. Learn a new word everyday for a month
51. Drop down 2 pant sizes
52. Make a quilt from 31 swatches
53. Have a 10 year anniversary party
54. Learn to say "no" without feeling guilty
55. Write a book
56. Get published
57. Donate clothes to a women's shelter
58. Let go of the individuals that bring me down
59. Have a girls weekend away
60. Have a "me" day - spa day
61. Take up photography
62. Volunteer with the kids at a nursing home
63. Take gifts to children at a children's hospital.
64. Make a difference in someone's life
65. Play the violin again
66. Go to the Grand Ole Opry
67. Start school, working towards a degree in Marketing
68. Design a new website
69. Organize my office
70. Learn to play chess
71. Have a date day with each kid, one on one
72. Let me children know just how much I love them
73. Travel/road trip up the east coast
74. Add videos of me talking on my blog
75. Take the kids tubing
76. Paint a picture
77. Face a fear and blog about it
78. Go boar hunting
79. Take kids to a Braves Game
80. Read 75 books
81. Go to a shooting range
82. Attend Thirty-One National Conference as a Director
83. Attend Thirty-One National Conference as a Senior Director
84. Make 1 Saturday a month a day dedicated to my children
85. Take a photo of my children everyday for 4 months
86. See an alligator
87. Attend a Blog Conference
88. Take a self-defense class
89. Buy a house sitting on land
90. Complete a 365 day photo project and share on my blog
91. Write a letter to each one of my children expressing lessons learned in life
92. Become more confident in myself
93. Invest a little money into stocks
94. Encourage someone else to make a list
95. Open a Savings Account for each child
96. Volunteer after a National Disaster
97. Horseback riding on the beach
98. Hold 5 Fundraisers for charities/NPO's
99. Host a monthly giveaway on my blog for 6+ months
100. Pay $10 for every goal I don't complete to a Charity or NPO
101. Make a 101 list before this one is over 09/27/2015
Now, are you ready to start yours? Have you written one? If so, just share the link below and I will link your blog to this one!!!
Bloggers who are sharing their Bucket Lists:
Thanks to Kristle Helmuth for starting this on her blog, Pretend Like it's the Weekendand to Torrey Shannon for motivating me even more with her Bucket List blog post at Torrey Shannon.
Additional Bloggers:
Pam - A Glimpse into My Life
Elle - i’mnotsurewhattocallthis
Aimee Taylor - “A Patient Heart”
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy New Year!!!
Happy New Year family and friends! We hope that each of you had a fabulous New Year's Eve and that 2013 is by far, one of the most amazing years!
We decided to break away from our house and run away to Kev's parents cabin in the mountains just outside of Blue Ridge, GA. We arrived at the cabin late on New Year's Eve and are planning to leave at some point tomorrow.
New Years is so different in our house now. We use to be the crazy ones lighting firecrackers and raising hell, while we brought in another new year. Now we escape to the cabin, hoping to hide from the loud, explosive sounds and bright flare sights of the fireworks. Sadly, even here we couldn't get completely away from it as people on the mountain were still celebrating. Luckily though, it didn't last long at all.
We spend the early part of the evening playing Beat the Parents. If you don't have this board game, I seriously recommend you purchase it for you and your family! We were not able to play a full game due to Nic getting restless and Kevin's anxiety and all kicking in.
This year everyone, other than me, we're fast asleep just minutes before the ball dropped. Kevin began to toss and turn quite a bit in bed when firecrackers rang all though out the mountain top.
As much as I want to yell at every person that shoots off the fireworks, I could never do it. After all, that was us not too many years ago. Without being directly related to a combat veteran with severe injuries, one doesn't think about the PTSD episodes that could launch from the celebrations. Kevin's PTSD kicked in last night and this morning pretty heavily. I'll go more into this when I am home writing and not on my iPhone!
Today is a lazy day at the cabin. The kids and I are watching The Smurfs movie and Kevin is napping. It's been a long 24 hours for him. Yesterday, we spent time walking around downtown Blue Ridge, which the kids loved. Tomorrow we head back to Macon and prepare for a Thirty-One party as well as school on Monday.
Once we are home and I'm on my computer, I will update with our Christmas and photos!
We hope each of you have an amazing and very prosperous 2013! Wishing you many smiles, joyous laughter, and a lifetime of memories!
From our home to yours, Happy New Year!!!
We decided to break away from our house and run away to Kev's parents cabin in the mountains just outside of Blue Ridge, GA. We arrived at the cabin late on New Year's Eve and are planning to leave at some point tomorrow.
New Years is so different in our house now. We use to be the crazy ones lighting firecrackers and raising hell, while we brought in another new year. Now we escape to the cabin, hoping to hide from the loud, explosive sounds and bright flare sights of the fireworks. Sadly, even here we couldn't get completely away from it as people on the mountain were still celebrating. Luckily though, it didn't last long at all.
We spend the early part of the evening playing Beat the Parents. If you don't have this board game, I seriously recommend you purchase it for you and your family! We were not able to play a full game due to Nic getting restless and Kevin's anxiety and all kicking in.
This year everyone, other than me, we're fast asleep just minutes before the ball dropped. Kevin began to toss and turn quite a bit in bed when firecrackers rang all though out the mountain top.
As much as I want to yell at every person that shoots off the fireworks, I could never do it. After all, that was us not too many years ago. Without being directly related to a combat veteran with severe injuries, one doesn't think about the PTSD episodes that could launch from the celebrations. Kevin's PTSD kicked in last night and this morning pretty heavily. I'll go more into this when I am home writing and not on my iPhone!
Today is a lazy day at the cabin. The kids and I are watching The Smurfs movie and Kevin is napping. It's been a long 24 hours for him. Yesterday, we spent time walking around downtown Blue Ridge, which the kids loved. Tomorrow we head back to Macon and prepare for a Thirty-One party as well as school on Monday.
Once we are home and I'm on my computer, I will update with our Christmas and photos!
We hope each of you have an amazing and very prosperous 2013! Wishing you many smiles, joyous laughter, and a lifetime of memories!
From our home to yours, Happy New Year!!!
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